Interakcjonizm Psychofizyczny

Different time dimensions telescoped into phase

There are so many things I do not understand ... And to have the feeling that it meant never learn ...

I live in this world ... among the people ... The day is dawning, the sun draws its train, going to the other side back under, and it follows again that night ... again and again.

somehow extends the current life - or the time runs in fast motion ... Day-night day-night weekend ... ... Day-night day-night ... Weekend ... Day-night day-night ... Weekend - and so on endlessly.

I wonder ... I actually still live? ... Or I'm now some kind of art a spirit, still walking on this world - no longer really part of this world, and yet it still afflicted and imprisoned ...

My own, mental time or internal clock is ticking so much slower, as in phase between this dimension come packed - I'm there and yet somehow not as ........ tick ........ tick ........ tick ........ tick ........

and against the outer time in the world I hear the change of day and night as in a clockwise motion and the wild carousels turn in a circle round after round after round .... tick - tick - tick - tick - tick - tick! ......

I do not see ...

What happened? I wonder .... Why is it already 31 January? Where's the part ?.... moment ... was it not just Christmas yet? Where is blos der Dezember geblieben? ...

Ich schaue in meinem Mailnachrichten ... und bin verwirrt... Was geschieht hier blos? Was passiert mit der Zeit? Was passiert mit der Zeit dieser Welt, dieser Dimension in der wir leben und was passiert mit meiner eigenen, internen, geistigen Zeituhr?? irgendwie verlaufen sie nicht mehr konform...

Ein völliges Paradoxon stellt sich in mir ein - und mein Verstand kann es nicht verstehen, mein Gehirn versucht zu interpretieren und es irgendwie zu verarbeiten und umzusetzen, doch raus kommt dabei völlig wirre, unverständliche Dinge an Emotionen Time and feelings are somehow not - fit together ...

01/18/2011 ... it is just passed by 12 days since the last message from the most wonderful creatures on earth, could I ever know - but I just do not understand ... My internal sense of time tells me, however, as I have appointed for more than 6 weeks had no contact ...

Would I go to my own internal clock as emotional terms ... Today is the 31/01/2011 (unglaublich. ..) - then the sooner was the last contact about the 12/18/2010 .... and not just 12 days.

Wait a minute ... I'm confused ... The world around me seems to me, as it would spin faster ... The days fly by and the months go by like nothing good ... and I have in me the feeling that I experience the world around me as in a faster time-lapse tightened ... Or is the other way around it? The world is spinning in circles in his usual, constant speed and only time I'm the one that ticks slower in the interior? Is my internal, spiritual Clock has been slowed? Does it makes me just one second blow while the world two to three seconds and strikes?

If my internal clock slower ticking ... why do I feel as if the last contact was 6 weeks, then would not be the feeling that she was only just less than 12 days been?

I do not see ...

time - is a strange dimension ... I must investigate this now - somehow ... An Excel table could help ....

A column of the - let's say "real time" ... The Days 1, 2, 3, 4, ...

If I in the ratio a new column next to drann sit, in my internal sense of time perceive as my "now feeling" is where the world (= real time) in fast motion passes, a ratio of about 2:1 would be out .. .. every two days go by real-felt as soon as one day ... Or the other way around - the world revolves somehow with almost twice the speed and has only 12 hours instead of 24th ..

mhmm .. Now I understand that but still do not ...

I put a third column next to the relationship as I see the time back Reminiscent or feel ... And get this as a ratio of 1:3 is ...

So I take the 12 days as a template, it's real past 12 days, the world has turned so 12 times, there were 12 times a day-night cycle ... I got a sense of time for that period were as instead of 12 but already about 5-6 weeks ago. But I start from my now-feeling when the world seems to me to turn it in motion, I have a feeling the 12 days were like 7 days ...

Or, in yet a different way ... Today is 31 January and tomorrow is January again around and is 1 February ... It occurred before the January total short and they passed so quickly after my now-feeling and I would have to date would be by feel, instead of the 31 Today, about 16 or 17 January. I would have to be mentioned but a period of time and estimate how long a while since I would call smooth 6 weeks, but even though - there were only 12 days ....

very crazy ... is not it? I can hardly believe it even though I could even write down * lol * ...

And now, imagine this, paradoxical, confusing ... mhmm ... so how should I call it because ... this paradox, three-phase experience of time before ... of the evening when I get home and try to pass in review, which brought the day ... the week, month. And trying to understand why feel the 12 days as six weeks ..... But at the same time I feel like I'm in motion ....

this out ... crazy! ..

Somehow I have the dream of 27 October think - the dream of interpenetrating universes and the golden city .... Before few weeks I had with an astral journey into the future (the detailed content I will not publish) a can see the date - but ... I do not understand ... I see connections and understand they do not really - or will not admit it? As we would probably perceive pervasive universes?

One very many people seem to agree, and we talk about it even as a coffee gossip that even as a "normal" sense: the time seems to pass faster and faster would.

At work, I hear so often "oh, again for the month, as time goes by, and very often the saying" The older you get, the faster time flies ", etc. ... and I noticed this, of course, as time is always faster tiles appear and ask myself, "God, how can that be?"

In the esoteric and the whole light-and-love-fraction is increasingly talked about it, that would "rise" of the earth and the people ... the oscillations would change, ever increasing, ever closer, the world would come close to something that is called "transition" in a next higher level, and whatever else because everything is predicted ... other religious and esoteric groups speak of the imminent "end" of this era, the end of the Mayan Calendar, apocalypse, and even the so-called "division" of up and down, etc. ... The world is a second renaissance to ...

In this astral travel into the future, I saw a date margin: 21 Februar 2012 - 2013 ... I saw a city in Germany in a sorry state after a catastrophic art, not going back flood ... The Golden City where the top was separated from the bottom ... The effect of penetrating universes and penetrate alien dimensions, the strange, ancient, giant beings bring with them the curiously looking at our world ... Our old world will soon no longer be like it once was and we will come with a very strange new beings in contact ...

Note I do with this art "three-phase Sense of time "to the beginning or are imminent, the short penetrating universes and dimensions? After all, a year out in about ... but that does not mean that you do not have any art gets to feel precursor" for time-sensitive nature?

Well ... we'll see. And I see need my calendar carefully to keep in mind to keep my mind on the time to still together ...?

Aquajade

Dora Thank You Wording

African Art Jewellery

A jewel in Namibia:
Ekipastein with gold and silver
+
a small pink tourmaline

 

Der Ring im Größenverhältnis zu den Pilzen.

Hmmmmm gebraten waren die lecker.

Die fanden sich am Wegesrand.

Usrcheat Pokemon Plata

'm back

Nice Art in Namibia

Die kleinen Karten fand ich allerliebst

Another Way To Connect Alcatel

infecting demons? Addendum to post

infecting demons

Ich hatte mich oft gefragt und das nicht wirklich verstanden, wie Dämonen sich eigentlich blos "vermehren" und sich an andere Menschen übertragen können....

Eigentlich kann ich es immer noch nicht vestehen, obwohl, so fürchte ich, ich wohl mir einen fremden Dämon eingefangen habe mit einem wirklich saublöden Tick, das aber nun wirklich nicht mein Tick ist sondern das, eines anderen.

Im abendlichen Putzjob begegne ich im Laden immer eine der dort arbeitenden Mitarbeiterinnen, which really has not all the marbles. I'm normally not a person who rejects or someone else how to behave or repellent to keep someone from the neck needs than the existing very low contact person, I welcome everyone who wants to come to me. Since I have this job, I so sorry I also do for the woman for the first time in my life becoming a man with rough rejections, they refer constantly to distance himself from me.

first I strapped that at all and it was very, very nice, trust immediately blessed, went immediately to "close contact" and act from the moment you arrive, as we were decades, closest, greatest best friends ever.

I was downright tacky-feeling of distance they have always bothered from the start ... their transgressions in my personal space in the form of dense, me almost on my feet standing inappropriate to close approached, constant touch and grope and paw at my arm clothes and back in talking, and if it misses at length about their private, confidential matters detaillös and will put together whispering devoted her head and with my ... I really noticed how uncomfortable that affects me and I always tried to avoid it and to step back and distance themselves from gehen - was aber nicht so einfach war in einem kleinen Laden, wo sie mir dann schließlich auf Fusse folgend mir hinterherdackelt.

Als sie schließlich nach einigen Tagen schon anfing mir dauernd Geschenke zu machen in Form von Tütenweise Süßigkeiten und Gummibärchen mit den Worten "weil du soo lieb bist", "weil du so fleissig bist" etc. ... musste ich doch dann eine Grenze ziehen und bat sie zunächst höflich, das ich das nicht möchte und das ich das unangenehm finde, das sie mir als zu nahe tritt.

Aber es half nichts, sie machte weiter, bis ich dann grober werden musste, als sie schon wieder mich mit Süßigkeiten vollstopfen wollte. Ich lehnte ihre Geschenke ab und sagte sehr deutlich und etwas lauter, das ich das nicht will. Was hatte sie sich daraus gestrickt? Sie dachte ich mochte diese Süßigkeiten nicht und kaufte stattdessen mir dann Schokolade, vielleicht mochte ich ja das dann.

Hinzu kam, das sie anfing, mich immer mehr mit Kosenamen anzusprechen und ich war schließlich nur noch "Schatzi" für sie. Herrje...

Und zugleich - ebenso zunächst von mir unbemerkt aber schließlich dann volle kanne ausgelebt von ihr, machte sich einen - nein, mehrere - wirklich bescheuerten Ticks bemerkbar, die mich echt derart abnervten, das ich diese Frau am liebsten schütteln und anbrüllen möchte, sie solle endlich mit den ganzen Scheiß aufhören!

Ich habe keine Ahnung, welchen Begriff es für das gibt, was sie hat - Phobien oder Zwangsstörungen, keine Ahnung... Jedenfalls hat sie eine totale Verhaltensstörung was der Kaffeemaschine im Laden angeht. Ich fragte sie, was zum Henker hat sie blos mit der blöden Kaffeemaschine, da erzählte sie mir, sie sei vor jahren von ihrem früheren Chef ausgeschimpft worden, das die Kaffeemaschine nicht ausgeschaltet war, und seitdem hat sie eine fast wahnhafte Zwangsstörung entwickelt, wo sie, wenn sie aus dem Laden zum Feierabend raus muss, sie mindestens 20 mal nachschauen muss, ob der Stecker auch wirklich von der Kaffeemaschine gezogen ist, und dann, da das nicht reicht, schaut sie noch einmal mindestens 20 mal um die ecke, ist das Licht an der Kaffeemaschine auch wirklich aus (wohlgemerkt, stecker liegt mitten auf dem Tisch ausgezogen platziert), und da das immer noch nicht reicht und sie den Zwang hat, auch wirklich hunderttausendprozent sicher zu sein, fragt sie jeden der noch im Laden verweilt oder wenn ich eingtroffen bin, mich mindestens 10 mal, ob ich nachschauen könnte, ob die Kaffeemaschine aus ist.

Nein, ich übertreibe jetzt hier nicht im Post - DAS IST WIRKLICH SO!

Eine richtige, echte Zwangsstörung. Sie schaffte es unzählige male, schon aus dem Laden zu sein, die Tür hinter sich zugezogen zu haben, und dann doch noch mal schnell aufzuschließen und wieder in den Laden reinzurennen nach hinten, zu schauen, ist die Kaffeemaschine aus?!?!?!... Um dann wieder aus dem Laden zu eilen (weil der Bus inzwischen schon da ist, den sie nehmen muss), - und nein, sie hat noch ein klitzeskleines bisschen Zeit, der Bus steht noch eine Minute da - rennt wieder zurück und schaut, ... schaut nochmal.... schaut genauer hin.... aus? ja... Wirklich aus? .... nochmal hingeh und nach dem Stecker schau.... ja, ist gezogen.... aus?... ok.... sicher?.... ja... nochmal sich vergewissern.... aus dem Laden almost walking backwards slow and coffee to keep until the last moment in the eye, it could start, yes! .... ok ... From? ... ok ... only briefly look again ... yes ... Light is off ... safe? .. or it must surely? .... goest again ... etc. etc. etc.

Am I attended there and do my cleaning work, she calls me constantly stubborn to acknowledge it, whether the machine is off - the so-at least 10-12 times. At first she was even more penetrating and pulled me by the sleeve of her behind and dragged me towards the appliance displays out and asks me "Da Look, the coffee is not it? Yes? Is she from?" - I have them all nice yelled hard, they should stop this nonsense and finally told her in the face, they should go for your coffee machine to treat neurosis. And she should stop trying finally me to bombard you with all sorts of candy gifts and when she finally even dared to buy me flowers and gift do as "apology" I had to even harder and her quite a few words clearly said that they fail to do is to try to give me anything, should refrain from giving me "Honey" and what do you call otherwise even the things for all sorts of pet names, told her plainly that I have a name and it's not me deserve such as a breast-girlfriend to treat sagte ihr in aller Deutlichkeit, wenn sie nicht mit ihrer Kaffeemaschine-Angstneurose aufhört, mich damit derart zu bedrängen und zu belässtigen auf das ich ihr es bestätige und nochmal schaue ob sie auch wirklich aus ist und ich solle auch nochmal schauen, wenn ich aus dem Laden gehen würde wenn ich fertig bin (das verlangte sie von mir!) solle ich noch mal sicher gehen, dann habe ich ihr direkt ins Gesicht geschworen, dann werde ich mal wirklich richtig wütend, und werden uns nie wieder sehen, und wenn sie nicht damit aufhört, mich ständig zu betatschen, anzufassen, in meinem unmittelbaren Raum einzudringen, dann darf sie in Zukunft mich nur noch Sietzen und mehr nicht.

Somewhere I did this even sorrow, she looked very upset, she has not understood why their candy and I've finally rejected her flowers, she knew that I would have no gifts, and yet they tried it and provoking my outburst. And it really requires a lot until I actually see WUT also ... I often feel anger long before, but I see not, because I have a lot of events to bring WUT out to the outside in Real Life ... She tried hell-bent to buy my friendship with them. They even invited me to go to the movies, or together to drink coffee, but declined by as much all I decided. I am as I said - Really not a person who rejects someone. But this woman I felt not good, it was real to me somehow .... to psychotic so constantly find their slippers, so energetically "adhesive" to the touch, I found it repulsive to all right, this sticky, adhesive, sticky feeling I felt with her.

Well, then I sat for about three months determined no longer look if they had the evening shift. I took down the shift times alternated always know when they found the evening and I was deliberately dawdled around for so long hiding somewhere further away from me and waited until they at last Sekunde aus dem Laden rannte zum Bus. Von außen beobachtet, wusste ich nun auch, warum die Eingangstüre inzwischen ganz schön angeschlagen war.... Die Frau hat es wohl nicht nur mit der Kaffeemaschine sondern auch mit Eingangstüren, sie schloss ab, und rüttelte daran mit vollem Körpereinsatz dagegengeworfen mehrmals hin und her und hin und her ob die Türe auch wirklich zu ist - das vielleicht so ne ganze Minute lang und rüttelt mit unglaublicher, manischer, zwanghafter Schwung und Körpereinsatz an den Griffen herum, das es echt schon sehr Krotesk aussah...

Nach etwa drei Monaten ließ ich mich wieder abends Blicken - ich hatte auch keine Lust mehr, mehr Zeit zu vertrödeln, because it shifted my time and I still came home until later. The message seemed to have arrived. They tore along well, it has finally weaned me "Honey" to name, has to touch it failed me and grope their topics of conversation stayed with trivial small talk (Gottseidank!), and although they still could not refrain completely , about 20-40 times to look after the coffee machine, owned at least it's mouth and belässtigte me so too. Meanwhile she tries to pretend that they do not even look after the coffee but for entirely different things, but I'm not blind and stupid and not see it exactly where it acts as if, trying aus weitere Entfernung zur Kaffeemaschine hinzustieren, und dabei so tut, als mache sie irgendetwas anderes. Mir auch egal. Es ist ihr Problem, ihre Phobien, ihre Zwangsneurosen. Solange sie mich damit endlich in Frieden lässt.

Tja... eine lange Vorgeschichte zum eigentlichen Thema "Infizierende Dämonen", ich weiß....

Obwohl das jetzt nun seit vielleicht 4-5 Monate nun klappt und sie mich nicht mehr belässtigt, nicht mehr in meinem Raum eindringt und betatscht und betufft und der Kontakt inzwischen auf einem erträglichen Maß bei Smalltalk bei Schichtwechsel sich beschränkt, und sie sich wirklich sichtlich mühsam zusammenreisst, da sie merkte, ich mache ernst und breche jeden Kontakt ab, wenn sie mich wieder auf die Palme bringt, hat sich wohl dennoch irgendetwas - auf subtiler, zunächst nicht von mir bemerkter Ebene - getan, irgendetwas ist von ihrer.... komischen Zwangsneurose, den sie nun mir gegenüber Unterdrückt, auf mich übergesprungen.

Ich ertappte mich schließlich im laufe der Zeit immer öfters dabei, das ich nochmal in den Laden ging, obwohl ich schon draussen stand und abschloss, ob ich denn auch den Hauptschalter ausgemacht habe.....

I found myself more often when I go out of the house to stay suddenly stopped completely confused with a fear shooting through my head thought "Have I turned off the coffee?" - And I turned around again nachzuschauen whether it was that it was natural.

How the hell did that happen? Years of old habit, where I had never missed a coffee after breakfast, and always very reliable, and carefully considered in the truest sense of the word could burn anything - suddenly get more and more often this "seizure" of insecurity, fear, and no-longer-knowledge if I really need the stove, coffee maker, Main switch was turned off, or whether I have completely finished the store if I forget anything really important and was left lying etc ...

I am very confused, I must admit. And also very confused, that was after I would end up with decreased again to reassure myself felt still feel and this urge to really look to even a closer if it really was out and make yet still after this strange, contrary to the understanding standing feelings felt, which was still very insecure and frightened, although my mind and memory clearly says "all right!" - This strange fear emotions are there - which keeps asking "Are you sure Look again to burn When the show again ?!!!" ....

looks to me is not anything like ... Someday, when I startled about myself was when I was again caught with a sudden outbreak of anxiety palpitations remain in the middle standing on the street because i like the sudden, immediate, out of nothing thoughts arise lightning shot in the head, whether the coffee machine from it! .... I'm finally on the neurotic wife and it dawned on me that's not really my topic, but one of her and somehow there is something about jumping it to me has infected me and now is in me something energetic, daemonic, which aroused such strange emotions and constraints to the adit coffee maker, stove, light, front door, whatever ....

When I was aware then, it was clear what was done. The mind and my knowledge and my confidence in me to be myself now always been conscientious in times past, it must be kept strictly to these constraints and fear inducing power or demon or whatever is what the Frau auf mich überging. Ich übe mich darin, sehr bewusst meine Tätigkeiten zu vollziehen, Kaffeemaschine nach der zweiten Frühstückstasse - aus - ok. Türe abschließen - ok. Hauptschalter im Laden - ist unten, ok. Und dann den in mir hochkommenden Drang, mich noch einmal zu vergewissern, noch einmal mich zumzudrehen und noch einmal nachzuschauen NICHT nachzugeben und stattdessen bewusst mein Verstand über halten welches ganz klar und eindeutig sagt "Ja, alles Ok, hast alles gemacht, es ist nichts vergessen".

Aber... Wie zum Henker konnte das passieren? Wie konnte da so ein - ich nenne das jetzt einfach so mal - so ein "Dämon" duplicate on me? When it is a mind virus was that now, well, perhaps through the suppression of the woman across from me not really lived out - now jumped on me.

I hope I get this virus or Mind demon quickly get rid of itself. The emotions and whispering, unsettling thoughts that it triggers in me if I have been really makes the coffee and not hinbrennt all morning in front of him while I'm at school and perhaps one day I burn down the apartment are pretty annoying and persistent and feel .... repugnant to. And feels very contrary, since my brain, Memory and knowledge that I have forgotten nothing, says something completely different.

It is now easy for me to exert myself is to keep my mind about it and to keep up and my emotions, and these strange emotions of fear and insecurity not to believe, as these without question for me - foreign origin have.

greeting

Aquajade

Ap Bio Lab 6 Question Answers

panic panic

Addendum: What strikes me as a huge load off my mind ... Today the school administration has spoken to me about the upcoming presentation, because obviously I'm still in the choreography Schwierigkeiteh and asked me if I would like for ever that occur there with. I just find it something of super fair and absolutely mega correct that you ask me if I ever will, and gave me leave so that the freedom to decide where I can determine about myself and not just with print, I have there now because of how Step it the teacher would have.

I answered openly and honestly, I would NOT do the choreography because I now sometimes just not dominant and the closer the deadline, the more panic approached with the increasing pressure built up in me and weighed more pressure on me to be able to break the now necessarily come out, the more learning blocks and I finally got a little less accessible to the series.

This incident has made me aware of something that was previously not drop me or just was not aware ... I had with this step-story more and more a must-must-must! " had before me that with each "must!" a growing pressure to build, even more pressure, much more pressure .... and with each pressure increased but also barriers to learning and understanding may, in turn, more pressure and panic, and "must!" triggered. Basically, instead of "Must-must-be" or "push-push pressure" - you could have just as well have "Block Block Block!"

It was really a circle was somehow, which I turned.

And the moment where the head teacher had heard my answer, and their notes lying in front of him looked at, and I followed her gaze just as short on it, threw me was a huge rummms! ! a menhir from the heart. For me they had taken it out of the list, the question of whether I want the performance ever was purely pro forma. She nodded and turned to everyone and spoke for all of us a sermon which really deeply impressed. She said she would hunt no students on the stage if they are not even ready now. And if they send students to the stage, then they are also really, really ready and she is a headmistress even it absolutely safe and it personally convinced that provide their students that and that can and hammer out and be comfortable in it in what they . do With these and some other words she has built the semester really clear, because then they practiced - without me - and I could see the play properly, as they all once a good deal have grown a lot more energy and momentum with the dance have tricked and I I was really happy for her! to

From that moment, I felt inside when I had become easier with a single stroke by 20 kg. This thing took me over the weeks so inwardly be together more and more spasm, I have both internally and also externally are getting stiff and I totally blocked with the understanding and learning that I this inner tension noticed but really, as this load with the Liberation from me runterplumpste normal. I almost cried - but most of relief! I happened to be more dependent not ready ....

course I am on the other side do not pride myself on, I since have such difficulties and because of so few absences due to sick days I got such a connection, I was not able to come to me like quilting semester behind. Especially since they pretty much all my class and also in the evening the choreography rehearsed at times when I hold it unfortunately could not due to working hours, also because it was foreseeable that the class with the additional classes like dancing to me really and I had less of a chance afterwards to and come to catch up again.

So much for that evening I lay courses not needed .... Far from it! When almost die ganze Klasse den Laienunterricht besucht, dann tanzen sie Leistungsmäßig mir regelrecht davon, die Lehrer passen sich entsprechend an mit ihren Schwierigkeitsgraden mit den steigenden Leistungen der Schüler und gehen schneller die Schritte und wieder die nächsten Schritte und noch weiter die nächsten Schritte durch, und ich habe dann echt ein Problem hinterher zu kommen aufgrund dessen, das ich die Laienkurse nicht besuchen kann wegen den blöden Putzjob und auf die normalen Unterrichtsstunden Vormittags drauf angewiesen bin...

Tja... so ist das jetzt der Stand der Dinge - ich bin und bleibe wohl halt leider immer irgendwie ein "Spätzünder". Brauche somehow always a bit longer, more time, more maturity and understanding processes, and have to tread unfortunately now permanently a slightly longer time than usual so other way. But when it ignites in me then ... then properly and am on the fast track. Was always like that. This is probably just in my nature. I have to accept it so and accept that it is what it is. I just wish my mage would understand and understand my late starter mechanism and deal with, I am now even a little longer heavy with the term ...

One day I will be ready and I will with pleasure and an absolute willingness and Browsing can stand on stage and what I can. I'm looking forward to it! I know I can do it. I need only hold a bit longer until it has fired at me, until the switch has made in me "click" and I literally run by ......

Facilitated greetings

Aquajade

How To Make A King Size Styrofoam Headboard

Now the exams for the first semester in my training as a State- . by certified gymnastics teacher, on Friday there is the evidence ...

I am sooo not cut very well, I knew. But it's OK for me, I've always been called the "late bloomer" eternal after-limp-man has gone, it would surprise me hard, I would put down to the beginning of my new life with this training a good start ... It probably seems somehow to be in my nature, first of all to mess up properly, then a minus-low level of difficulty is again the first out and then work up slowly ...

I was hoping that decreases my inner turmoil with yesterday, last test. But that did not. Because one thing is still to me and I almost panic before ....

study in tap dance for months, we have a choreography, which was announced shortly before Christmas for me, this choreography is presented with a public appearance. Because of this, I was in quite a few sick Monday and Tuesday, where steppes once held a week and I was missing there, I master the choreography only to about 30% and 70% otherwise stumble badly behind more than right.

to find the connection is im grunde unmöglich inzwischen geworden.

Am kommenden Samstag soll der Auftritt sein in einem Schauspielhaus und sollen den Steptanz vorführen. Herrje, ich hatte vor drei Wochen schon gesagt, ich komme nicht mehr hinterher... letzte Woche habe ich das noch einmal gesagt, ich schaffe das nicht, das innerhalb kurzer Zeit nun alles zu beherrschen, mir fehlt einfach viel zu viel Schritte, die Choreographie ist auch nicht ganz ohne und bedingt mehrmalige Übungen und Proben, die ja zwar auch stattfinden, aber genau immer zu Zeiten wo ich arbeiten gehen muss, was mich sehr belasstet...

Heute war der letzte Probetag und ich habe so derart jämmerlich it looked like - simply because 70% of the choreography I still can not!!

And now happening to me in sheer panic, as required by the quilting teacher and still want, I was operating with the pull through. I just do not understand! What is this?

We were told that the performances there was to the school where I am, so to speak, "represent" and show what is being done so all. God, I do not understand why you can then take students there who may present nothing at all? I asked specifically about me there to take out because I found the choreography just not dominant and can not do it I will .... I make a pathetic picture, Rempel constantly against the other, if there are changes of direction, which I still do not when controlling what goes where in which direction.

In my almost pure panic, because if I'll be there to climb onto the stage but on this tripod, then for me that is not "represent the school", but for me that is pure then Demonstrate in front of hundreds of people how much I literally danced out of there series and there is no representation and presentation of the choreography, everything but a pure disgrace and Blosstellung my shortcomings through my incompetence before a large Puplikum.

My panic borders now so far at one point, I almost prefer serious consideration, rather have a corresponding negative value 6 Review of purchase and take me to refuse to perform with because, as I in front of hundreds to have ufoloasses of people where the whole room a choreography keeps track of where all these master to a single person who stumbled after it helplessly and aimlessly! THEN LOOKS The audience BUT NOT THE CHOREOGRAPHER BUT ALL EYES ARE ON THE WRONG STAPLE DANCING DANCER BECAUSE THE STOP LOOKS!!

Honestly, what the teacher thinks the Step actually here? Why do they want, I'll be there presented such? If the spur me the next time to give more? May well contribute to many certainly so, gives me something exactly to the contrary, this pre-lists will, in my imperfections will remain forever stuck in my head!

I have a great need to really represent what! I have a need then to show off my skills one day and feels that my achievements in choreography and dance. But until then I still have a lot to me to work until I can and demonstrations in the frame, where less than half produced whenever something or to provide added, have no sense at all, then this is a pure Blosstellung and demonstration of shortcomings, and has to do with a demonstration of ability to absolutely nothing - with "representation" certainly do not!

I understand there really is no longer the world ... I eigentlih had been much fun at quilting, but right now, because I'll be there by forced through the choreography with the force, as now perform in front of a large Puplikum to steppes developed for me with the growing panic and fear to a horror Tripp.

Ich dachte eigentlich, Tanzlehrer seien pädagogisch geschult.... Aber einen Schüler derart vorzuführen wo es völlig offensichtlich ist, das der Schüler das nicht schafft und nur etwa 30% beherrscht, das ist doch pädagogisch betrachtet der reinste Schuss nach hinten.

Momentan gibt es rein gar nichts, was mich motiviert mich zusammenzureissen, unter Zwang geht das einfach nicht. Bei diesem Auftritt wird auch absolut rein gar niemanden zugegen sein, dem es in irgendeiner Form etwas bedeuten würde oder mich gerne sehen würde. Es wird niemand da sein... Das tut verdammt weh. Einerseits gut, weil ich eh die Choreo nicht kann, andererseits ist for me quite a Ouch even further. .... Only hundreds of people unknown to me and the first to see what they are how bad I am. So why am I supposed to occur and embarrass myself in front of hundreds of people with my performance of my ability and not the "representation" of my school with my out-of-the-dance-series to ruin? What does the teacher actually only the quilting? ...

I wish already really fast, I break my Greten for any accident, so I have a good excuse, because not just participate.

Aquajade

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Who am I?

In the eternal spirit floats around a bright and looks into the distance with large eye of the universe in the bottom of my astonishment:
"Who am I?" ... What is to be mine? ... I see nothing with me but my clarity. I am my own I know but what I am? ... My dress is light. My feeling, thinking goes no further than my eye can see! ... Where am I? ... What gave birth to me? ... I am ... and yet it was not until I lived. ... What is my being? ... I feel that I'm hot pursuit and stirs in me to know ... why am I, why was I? ... In the empty space without end and the beginning seems to me home, home and Zufluchtsort, da ward ich geboren und fühle mich allein. ... Soll einsam ich in diesem Raume bleiben, durcheilen ihn, stets ohne Zweck und Ziel?"

So beginnen die ersten Zeile eines mir zufällig in die Hände gekommenen eBooks, den ich dann eher aus langeweile als aus Neugierde öffnete und der erste Absatz und die Frage nach dem "wer bin ich" - berührte mich sehr tief...

Denn diese Fragen sind genau diese, welches mich aktuell mehr denn jeh sehr beschäftigen... Wer bin ich? Was mache ich? What is the reason of my being? I feel a hot pursuit - but ... what? ... What is my purpose and aim of my being here?

The text comes from a book of 1928 "Confessions of Lucifer - A poem in eight cantos" by Leopold Engel (1858-1931).

I find it odd, apparently on the way this reading disappears somehow a part of the public Internet, the other somewhere else again, but increasingly common in private side shows up. In Wikipedia you can find something about these authors, but ... If you click the link "Lucifer's Confessions, it displays a message that these pages have been deleted. I have to Wikipedia ja noch nie gesehen diese Gelöscht-Meldung. In Amazon.de wird nicht mal ein Umschlagbild darüber abgedruckt und - nicht erhältlich. ... Warum?

Wer bin ich? ...

Warum bin ich hier? ...

Was ist mein Zweck und Ziel meines Hierseins? ...

Das sind ja an sich nun wirklich keine neue Fragen und ich schätze, diese Fragen stellen sich sehr viele...

Was hat das Leben selbst eigentlich zu bedeuten? Ist es der Sinn des Lebens, diese Fragen das Leben lang zu fragen und ständig auf der Suche nach Antworten zu sein? Oder wäre das Leben denn nicht erfüllter und lebenswerter, hätte man die Antworten bereits und kann danach leben und sich - freier ausleben?

Wie würde wohl mein Inneres und mein Fühlen aussehen, hätte ich endlich eine Antwort auf die Frage wer ich bin und was mein Zweck meines Hierseins ist?... Momentan erscheint es mir so, das die fehlende Antworten in mir wie Löcher in meiner Seele sind, fehlende Anteile die ein Vaakuum in mir erzeugen welches noch must be filled with knowledge and answers ... Know who or what I am ... and ... answers to my purpose in this world ...

Oh na clear to me buzzing already the one and the other almost really fantastic, almost about delusions of grandeur sounding possible answers in the spirit to whom or what I could trade me and what the purpose of my being here could be .... but I take them in my fantasies existing "answers" as theses, it might be so, I notice how these responses in me immediately shows much larger holes in vacuum and emptiness in me that caused me to another very painful Question leads which read: "Why am I not serve?" ... and ... "Why am I not in use?" .....

I feel art as a very valuable and highly sensitive, ultra modern tool that is not used by the user ... Create been humiliated to a specific purpose and mission to fulfill here on earth with a devotional quest for convenience and love ... But still lingering in this world, whose services are not needed apparently.

I have the feeling that the Welt operiert mehr schlecht als recht mit rückständigen Mitteln und altertümliche, grobe Werkzeuge und ich bin wie ein modernes, fortschrittliches Feinwerkzeug da - hier! - Erschaffen und Inkarniert! - und es ist niemand da der mich aber anwenden kann für diese Welt ....

Ist das - verrückt?

Ich verstehe es nicht.... Ich dachte, ich habe einen Anwender gefunden.... der erste und bisher einzigste Wesen - ein wundervolles, einzigartiges Wesen das ich je begegnen durfte - von dem ich überzeugt war, er könnte mein Erschaffer und Anwender tool in the fine be me ... But I do not understand how things develop ... And as if these terrible Vaakuum feeling of "being-Non-Beneficial" and "not used-to-be" not enough ... I now return back to the original questions .... Who am I? ... What is my being? .... Should I always rush through this world alone without purpose? .......

greeting

Aquajade

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2011 - The Year of the Elves

2011 - Das Jahr des Elfen

Es ist wortwörtlich ein "elfiges Jahr"...

Es ist ein Jahr der Ent-Spannung und des Auf-Atmens ...

Das Jahr wird mit einer Leichtigkeit und "Buntheit"

wie die eines Elfenkindes wahrgenommen ...

It will be a very "exhilarating" year ...

is The Year of the Elves, a year of outings ...

is The Year of the elves decide that the Spaghat,

which is now all the time laboriously organized

has to build a bridge between a Old World

to the one still clings, and the new world,

no longer needed and is one step in the

new world operating safely without fear can.

The winged elves year will help to overcome the abyss

and sure to be on the other side ...

Aquajade