Now the exams for the first semester in my training as a State- . by certified gymnastics teacher, on Friday there is the evidence ...
I am sooo not cut very well, I knew. But it's OK for me, I've always been called the "late bloomer" eternal after-limp-man has gone, it would surprise me hard, I would put down to the beginning of my new life with this training a good start ... It probably seems somehow to be in my nature, first of all to mess up properly, then a minus-low level of difficulty is again the first out and then work up slowly ...
I was hoping that decreases my inner turmoil with yesterday, last test. But that did not. Because one thing is still to me and I almost panic before ....
study in tap dance for months, we have a choreography, which was announced shortly before Christmas for me, this choreography is presented with a public appearance. Because of this, I was in quite a few sick Monday and Tuesday, where steppes once held a week and I was missing there, I master the choreography only to about 30% and 70% otherwise stumble badly behind more than right.
to find the connection is im grunde unmöglich inzwischen geworden.
Am kommenden Samstag soll der Auftritt sein in einem Schauspielhaus und sollen den Steptanz vorführen. Herrje, ich hatte vor drei Wochen schon gesagt, ich komme nicht mehr hinterher... letzte Woche habe ich das noch einmal gesagt, ich schaffe das nicht, das innerhalb kurzer Zeit nun alles zu beherrschen, mir fehlt einfach viel zu viel Schritte, die Choreographie ist auch nicht ganz ohne und bedingt mehrmalige Übungen und Proben, die ja zwar auch stattfinden, aber genau immer zu Zeiten wo ich arbeiten gehen muss, was mich sehr belasstet...
Heute war der letzte Probetag und ich habe so derart jämmerlich it looked like - simply because 70% of the choreography I still can not!!
And now happening to me in sheer panic, as required by the quilting teacher and still want, I was operating with the pull through. I just do not understand! What is this?
We were told that the performances there was to the school where I am, so to speak, "represent" and show what is being done so all. God, I do not understand why you can then take students there who may present nothing at all? I asked specifically about me there to take out because I found the choreography just not dominant and can not do it I will .... I make a pathetic picture, Rempel constantly against the other, if there are changes of direction, which I still do not when controlling what goes where in which direction.
In my almost pure panic, because if I'll be there to climb onto the stage but on this tripod, then for me that is not "represent the school", but for me that is pure then Demonstrate in front of hundreds of people how much I literally danced out of there series and there is no representation and presentation of the choreography, everything but a pure disgrace and Blosstellung my shortcomings through my incompetence before a large Puplikum.
My panic borders now so far at one point, I almost prefer serious consideration, rather have a corresponding negative value 6 Review of purchase and take me to refuse to perform with because, as I in front of hundreds to have ufoloasses of people where the whole room a choreography keeps track of where all these master to a single person who stumbled after it helplessly and aimlessly! THEN LOOKS The audience BUT NOT THE CHOREOGRAPHER BUT ALL EYES ARE ON THE WRONG STAPLE DANCING DANCER BECAUSE THE STOP LOOKS!!
Honestly, what the teacher thinks the Step actually here? Why do they want, I'll be there presented such? If the spur me the next time to give more? May well contribute to many certainly so, gives me something exactly to the contrary, this pre-lists will, in my imperfections will remain forever stuck in my head!
I have a great need to really represent what! I have a need then to show off my skills one day and feels that my achievements in choreography and dance. But until then I still have a lot to me to work until I can and demonstrations in the frame, where less than half produced whenever something or to provide added, have no sense at all, then this is a pure Blosstellung and demonstration of shortcomings, and has to do with a demonstration of ability to absolutely nothing - with "representation" certainly do not!
I understand there really is no longer the world ... I eigentlih had been much fun at quilting, but right now, because I'll be there by forced through the choreography with the force, as now perform in front of a large Puplikum to steppes developed for me with the growing panic and fear to a horror Tripp.
Ich dachte eigentlich, Tanzlehrer seien pädagogisch geschult.... Aber einen Schüler derart vorzuführen wo es völlig offensichtlich ist, das der Schüler das nicht schafft und nur etwa 30% beherrscht, das ist doch pädagogisch betrachtet der reinste Schuss nach hinten.
Momentan gibt es rein gar nichts, was mich motiviert mich zusammenzureissen, unter Zwang geht das einfach nicht. Bei diesem Auftritt wird auch absolut rein gar niemanden zugegen sein, dem es in irgendeiner Form etwas bedeuten würde oder mich gerne sehen würde. Es wird niemand da sein... Das tut verdammt weh. Einerseits gut, weil ich eh die Choreo nicht kann, andererseits ist for me quite a Ouch even further. .... Only hundreds of people unknown to me and the first to see what they are how bad I am. So why am I supposed to occur and embarrass myself in front of hundreds of people with my performance of my ability and not the "representation" of my school with my out-of-the-dance-series to ruin? What does the teacher actually only the quilting? ...
I wish already really fast, I break my Greten for any accident, so I have a good excuse, because not just participate.
Aquajade
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