are 6 months have passed since the beginning of my training as a State-. certified gymnastics teacher ....
was 4 weeks ago it was the first semester certificate, where I am in three subjects narrowly slipped past in a "poor" (5) .... Although the testimony is "4", but is constructed with 4 and 4-5 minus expected more ...
Granted, a bit better I had imagined the outcome of the first semester already, but in view of what I've started with purely absolutely zero, and not in the least Possibility had to learn and to train - this is again a good result really quite amazing ...
The certificate provides this:
Gymnastics: 4
Jazz Dance: 4
Ballet: 4
Folklore: 3
Modern Dance: 3
rhythm: 3
music theory: 2
Basketball: 4
Swimming: 4
Education: 2
Sports Medicine: 2
my power curve is not better - the downward trend is there and I feel it now with the beginning of the 2nd Semester very well with the tightening of the requirements in the practical subjects that I really really have problems to get something to do with.
Nun haben wir ein paar neue Fächer erhalten in den 2. Semester und somit auch mehr Stunden und wo ich zuvor schon mit viel Schlingern und Eiern gerade so hinterher kam, verliere ich nun den Faden.
Wir bekamen nun Turnen noch hinzu, Schwimmtheorie, Folkloregeschichte und Ballettgeschichte. Und diese Theorie-Fächern sind verdammt schwer zu lernen... wann soll ich das machen?
Zu der Ausbildung arbeite ich zwei Jobs an vier verschiedenen Arbeitsorten jeden Tag - 7-Tage-Woche ohne Pausen nonstopp... Ich komme nur heim um zu schlafen und zu essen und wieder los. Jeden Tag.
The weekends are especially hard - long 8-hour shifts without a break in the gym, before that, the cleaning jobs - ie Saturday and Sunday I'm 10-11 hours each way to work ... come home Saturday evening by 23 clock until I'm finished eating and it is 00:00 clock - and get out at 05:00 clock once again, by 6 clock going for morning shift and subsequent cleaning job, and came first so against 17:00 clock completely fixed and ready to go back home ...
During the week I wake up every day at 05:00 clock, get ready for the day, breakfast neatly, pack my bag, receipts me lunch of bread, make my bed and I'm favorite playing grounds by 7 clock in school to make me warm ever .... and depending on the lessons I get that from 15-16 Clock home. Friday even by 14 clock.
But will recover much time to not, you just feed on just what, in times just to sit, to perhaps even make for a half hour of the eyes and feel put down the leaden heaviness in the body shortly to bed it makes me even himself around me again, for an evening cleaning job and do my cleaning activities in an office, a store at the parade ground and in the store in Sophienhof from 17 clock and get that around 21:30 clock home again. Then dinner is announced, the long-awaited hot shower called for, and around 22:30 I am so dead tired, I have favorite playing grounds at this time in bed and falling Edison before has 23 clock is .... to finally get out by 5 clock again.
And that - every day.
time to learn and to train - I have hardly any. In between times, even on Thursdays and Fridays, where I am a bit earlier at home, I'm going to be exhausted and tired, and the pear vollgebratscht so from morning to take me there again to sit down and learn, as simply nothing more in the bulb.
I've cut off in the theory subjects watching sports medicine and education with a good "2", I owe to the fact that I can relatively quickly I press on the day of the exam in the early morning the material into short-term memory to Write to retreat, and then everything is complete in the truest sense of the material away. In the limited context, I was able to cheat me there. In music theory the same. The sheet music will somehow just not in my memory in and stuck a long time and also because I can cheat by me any more. In practice I'm good - I rhythm groove away something for everybody. No matter what plays to me. I Although not read music, but I can imitate very well in terms of rhythm. My ear for it is outstanding.
But all this - no use, it brings me no more .... This is not a permanent solution gemogel .... I need room to be able to study properly ... to train for the practical subjects outside school hours can ... and I do not have ....
After yet few subjects and thus lessons have been added, I come now finally reached my limits of what is possible. Over the days, weeks and months I get it running the physically feel more and more, the 7-day weeks without breaks and Rest and my body always reports more "deficits" ... Bone skin inflammation in both shins since then, more frequent and longer colds and flu attacks ... in my face to any rash has formed, I have never had skin problems and now suddenly I see literally in his face, as I go inside ... my eyes look terrible, completely red and deep in their caves and thick eye bags of fatigue and I am surprised that I was not asked whether I take any drugs, so my eyes and skin to see from now .... and where I'm physically quite well, fit started at the beginning of training, However, my body began to stiffen gradually getting worse and to be ...
It was actually expected, with daily, several hours of training pre-lunch in the form of aerobics, gymnastics, sports and dance, the body becomes more flexible, stronger and more agile. But with me it reacts in some way - upside down! I do not understand .... The more I do, the more rigid, I will, instead of the more flexible .... The more power I use, the less power the next time I seem to have available and I am powerless ... The more I stretch myself and stretch, the stiffer I'm irrerweise then the next day .... Honestly - I think that's crazy ... Paradox! And do not understand ...
But that's not all that makes me to create my rapidly declining power curve that I can absorb or compensate somehow getting worse ....
When I began training had become clear that this would be close, but it was nevertheless been financially manageable. Monthly Tuition Fee 165 Euro ... Ok. The first time come together as few words would start by first purchases of textbooks and study materials, and so I figured, too, and yes I had some cushion so risen had.
Indeed, but when the first bills for work clothes, books, recording fees, copy of money fees, key fees, wardrobe rental fees, shoes, CD's, piles of folders nepst deposits, registers, cards, sheets, papers, pencils, utensils, again working clothes again shoes, and immediately several weekends in compulsory attendance of workshops, free program and other shows, which meant an enormous loss of earnings each week is 100 € and again some more books to be ordered and paid for ..... * * Lufthol ..... reserves shrank within a few months almost scary together quickly.
In August 2010 until this month February 2011 - ie, in those 7 months, I had to make around 2,500 € for the school locker. The monthly school fee of 165 € are not the problem. The problem is the additional cost incurred in parallel continuously in the order, which I have now does not produce truly calculated to the same extent .........
And all paid for entirely out of pocket from specially developed job hours, without support from family or office.
I as tonight using the Excel spreadsheet a tough balance lined up to see me, what is the hidden cost to the school are really, I am disillusioned white as a sheet fell to the trousers and had the first digest very strong, how much I have miscalculated me .... I expected really not that such high costs ...
In the months of August - € 1155 February, I took regular school fees - and parallell but I had 1,300 euros (!!!) expenses must bear additional costs - more than double again on top. This represents that it falls on the month, an expense of around 350 €, the I financed all by himself out of pocket so far ....
I reckon the further to the full year to transfer up to and including July 2011, less then the whole big chunks of first purchases of work clothes, I am left but the loss of earnings on weekends through workshops and compulsory attendance, as well as ongoing charges for photocopying, books and various other incurred as CDs for the dances and school materials, unfortunately, still not spared and come on in stock on current average of - if I count optimistic and will not incur the obligation soo many workshops as well as long Summer holidays - to € 280 in month to be compensated.
I do not get easy .... My reserves are exhausted ... and is basically the next, upcoming workshops, which are announced in March, not compensate for the loss of earnings.
Because I have a lot designed by my reserves out, the additional expenses of the school, has been to me not so noticed and aware of how the balance sheet really looks at me, but now where I almost - I bust - I now have a tough calculation Gegenü made and found - I do every month around 220 € minus !....
ie: My monthly income including housing allowance is 730 euros - but my fixed costs, living expenses and education taken together is € 950 per month ....
Well .... that is - bitter. I counted in the truest sense of the word simply not so, that in addition to the 165 € basically twice as much in cost in mitzutragen month in the form of fees and lost earnings because of compulsory attendance at workshops in weekends ....
I have so miscalculated in two things ... Learning First, the time factor, I just need more time and space for, train and recover well for me, I underestimated the total, the importance of rest or days are just for the body to regain strength and energy to refuel and for the spirit to again clear in the bulb to learn new, and now the moment my body with symptoms I unfortunately really for peace and recovery forces, because I can not give him the 7-day week .. .. and, second, I miscalculated me financially ... where I did not expect so much more to incur the additional expenses to the monthly school fees.
I will soon be 36 years old ... and have begun to sport with virtually zero when I came to school ....... How could I expect that I could pack the power already technically and physically, and keep up with the 16-20-year classmates? As expected I could to a tight 7-day week schedule, as my former coach and magicians to said it was the right one for me and that's what he would impress any spiritual student - I could run through for several years to come without side effects and Exhaustion? How could I expect I could make it all alone without the help of several Jobs finance all this? Without the additional cost , incurred that would have worked well - constructed .... But my calculation is not ...
I must unfortunately bring out somewhere my training contract, and read with a heavy heart, now what will happen to me at first, if I give up and announce the formation ... Next, now I am threatened the loss of my car when I go on ... would pay for I have no more reserves to be able to compensate for loss of earnings by more workshops, then my next rental at risk ....
And then I'm in class with no more substance - when should I learn? In Step aerobics and everyone should work out a choreography and eintrainiert be ... When I do that? In ballet history in a few weeks I have prepared a great presentation, have the will then be presented ... To this end I have to pass many books and texts to read and summarize ... God - how to do that, I'm not even begin to begin to do? The appearance in the dance theater will not be the only one that I was able to push myself even more successfully against it simply because I did not manage to learn the choreography ... but at the Kiel Week is, and also there are performances and choreography are rehearsed and pre-cut and this is encouraged in the evening lay in extra courses for hours to visit, but what I can not because of my cleaning jobs !.... How should I manage this? ....
It's very bitter and my heart bleeds for days and I cry every day right now my eyes out because my training so damn much it means .... I have had so much fun there ... and I really had hopes and was so damn confident that I will sort it out somehow, and that they could be sure my new future and a new life ........
But I did not create ..... I had to cancel both the jobs basically and about 200 € more in the account have a month .... I would have a real chance .... But it would have to sponsor me with about 1,000 € per month. That not even God can ....... Absollut nothing and no one would be willing to invest in me ... It would be an investment not only into a future of one man ... but an investment for all people, which can then be further brought by me in the future ...
I feel like a failure .... I have fought for a cause which I believed so much ... and I've lost the fight. I fail to my physical limits of my intellectual limits of my financial limits. I came to Kiel to work with so many dreams and hopes and wishes and will, to me ... and now I have no more ... It hurts like hell .... especially because I help people entteusche, which I would love to make proud of me ... to me meant something and it would have proved so much that I actually have it, if only I had the chance realhaftig ... I entteusche people who are important to me ... entteusche and people I have left for this thing ...
But the very front on I am about myself ..... entteuscht and I am terribly ashamed of myself because I have a so blöde verblendete Närrin war, die an sich glaubte, es zu schaffen...
Es tut verdammt Weh .... Was soll nun nur aus mir werden? ....
Aquajade
