Normal bin ich kein Mensch is somehow ill. And I'm not one who incurs anything and torture around with something. That's just not my ... Nature. If I get one or two times a year, a cold is a lot. I do not - they do not care whether around me wheeze and sniffle is on. Injury is something that I is almost completely unknown. Blaufe spots times here or there, perhaps, but otherwise - nothing.
had in my whole life I have never broken a bone or upset me. Never had organic. And not only had a childhood disease. And I grew up in pretty bad conditions, I can tell you. Nevertheless, I am physically and organically topgesund absolutely still.
But since the beginning of my training, I noticed a seemingly exponential increase of diseases and physical ailments where I have a feeling - on strike for something my body. But against what? Already plagues me the flu - the third or even fourth in a semester! Bone skin irritation and inflammation bother me more and more and more painful in the meantime now both shins since about 6 weeks after the start of training.
to the beginning of the semester, I had what the physical fitness angeht, einen so guten Start hingelegt, aber nach und nach bemerke ich eine immer tiefere und länger anhaltende Erschöpfungszustand, wo ich kaum noch mich daraus erhole und meine anfänglicher, guter Start in Kondition, Ausdauer und Elastizität brach nun nach den Winterferien derart ein, das ich nun noch steifer, konditionsloser und Kraftlos bin als vor Beginn der Ausbildung!
Was ist blos passiert? frage ich mich... Ich weiß es nicht. Was zehrt derart so an meinen Energien, das ich mich da nicht mehr erhole und von Tag zu Tag müder und kraftloser werde und somit auch Krankheitsanfälliger und noch müder und noch mehr Entzündungen in den Beinen, Schmerzen im Ellenbogenbereich wo ich beim Jazz-Tanz den Arm ins Gelenk in die Überstreckung reingeschlagen habe, und nach fünf Minuten im Warm Up beim Body schon schnaufe und Puste wie nichts gutes und beim Stepptanz ich nicht ein Schritt mehr hinterherkomme, so das ich das Workout abbrechen musste weil ich einfach nicht bei den Grundschritten hinterherkam??
Was beneide ich die anderen Mitschüler, die noch abends Erholung haben und Wochenenden frei und ständig davon reden, das sie feiern gehen, WG-Partys, Disco, Kino, Treffs, zusammen trainieren gehen, Laienkurse besuchen und, und, und........
Ich habe das alles nicht, und das wird wohl das Problem sein, mein Körper beginnt nach und nach mir einen Warnstreik nach den anderen zu vermitteln welches nach Erholung schreit und mich zur Ruhe zwingen soll. Aber ich kann nicht aufhören ich MUSS den blöden Job abends weitermachen das so viel Zeit und Energien auffrisst das mich total auslaugt und ich MUSS am Wochenenden im Studio arbeiten welches mich auch sehr erschöpft im wahrsten Sinne des Wortes. Tue ich das nicht, kann ich die Ausbildung an den Nagel hängen, dann kann ich diese nicht mehr weiter bezahlen und... was soll denn dann aus mir werden??
Now I hang for a long, very busy weekend so I'm really on the ropes that everything hurts and everything seems to add up to what has for many weeks announced gradually with "warnings" from my body ... my bones skin infections have now is set at a very awkward period pain. My whole body is completely stiff and I can barely move, let alone dance. Body aches, headache, runny nose, cough, dizziness, joint pain in his arm and as if it were not enough, I feel so exhausted and tired very active, which also attracts me down from her state of mind very much and I only ever so by the School and the stupid jobs by train.
I have to admit that for a ... let's say "beginner" like me, who earlier in life sooo much physical work was never before, this is all just too much for the body. Every day at school for 3-5 hours hard training, and then go to work every day 3-4 hours and only be home to eat and sleep. 7-day-a-week .... Without a break ... Without recovery.
create the people who have always done long before and with physical activity and work have grown. But I was 4 years ago for 85 kg fat, lazy, greedy and had to sport and exercise and nothing to do my daily routine consisted of decades earlier, just sit out on the desk or sofa.
What I'm thinking? ... This stark and life-changing conversion of lazy and rooms and desk chair for sports and fitness, full-day working bee?
I wanted so much to change me .... because I knew it is wrong to do nothing all day ... I really wanted to make something of myself what .... do more to life ... achieve something .... to bring something ..
But it looks like I come across borders, over decades of sedentary life can not as of today dissolve overnight and can not seem particularly at a time umpuschen with a fully completed Week Timetable me read between by lazy too hard.
My body begins to strike. My sports injuries occur, much to my annoyance and more frequently, forcing me to my knees in the truest sense of the word. My immune system seems to grow stronger and am again plagued with the flu and slight fever, I know not so! And about my organic deficits I will certainly not stop talking ... The gastrointestinal tract is doing what he wants and I do not know what should I adjust my diet so everything else ... Meanwhile, I'm 100% vegetarian, and agree not now for some months now completely in the milk and cheese products and use only soy milk, which gets me very well. But still ... I have the feeling that something is "missing" me .... But what? I understand the signals are not what my body gives me ... This is all so .... new to me. And no one is there to guide me .... I do not understand ...
And if I cry in the evening a unrequited love - a man I'm in love for four years as immortal and hopeless than ever before in my life, and this damned pain will and will not stop ... I'm now hurt my whole chest and an unpleasant stinging in the heart of this unspeakable emotional pressure is felt in the evening and I wonder how long the heart stops in organic effect, or from when the soul so literally at not being loved and leave one suffers ...
Can you die of a broken heart because of unrequited love? Earlier hätte ich die Frage mit einem belächelnden "nein" geantwortet. Nun bin ich mir nicht mehr sicher..... Mein Herz tut verdammt weh.... ich will, das es aufhört, dieser Schmerz... und ich glaube, jeden Tag stirbt ein stück von mir etwas mit.... bis nichts mehr von mir übrig bleibt.
Gruß
Aquajade
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